Source: Of dreams and fire……..
“No mama……I cannot cycle through this stretch……It’s rough”
I am shaken from my reverie. What did she just say? She is giving up again….and phew! there’s going to be another round of nudging and pushing; coaxing and then maybe I end up yelling.
How can you not lose your cool, when you have stalled all else to be here with her?
The endless chores, a dishevelled bedroom, a heap of laundry………..
You have probably read all those articles on motherhood……..and you say…..you pray silently that the almighty gives you patience .
“Okay…let’s see”, you manage to say and just then another kid whizzes past on his bike, enjoying the rough ride…..hmmm….a tough one that!!!! All this while she follows my gaze and knows what’s next.
For a change this time I say “Okay, let me do this first.”
I hum a tune and get onto her bike while she giggles at my frame looming over it. Mothers around watch me and probably seem amused. But I have to do this…….
I cycle over the rough patch, deliberately giving the assumption that it’s not easy for me too……I stumble and then balance well enough…….there are eyes on me.
I see a million dollar smile traversing her face; on completing my round I ask her if she wants to do the same…….and she says “Yes, maybe.”
My enraged spirit is more at ease.
I set a timer for her….. this time I need not plod, plead, mutter with clenched teeth or lecture.
An easy grace has swept upon her…….and she breezes through like a colourful butterfly on the rough terrain.
My day is done…….and in a way no parenting book could ever promise.
It is my soul in the wheels as they turn around every corner.
And the moral??
Only that sometimes I will need to peddle first!!
“I have the sun in my enfolding”
Said the smallest lily to the sunflower….
“Oh how can it be, how can it be…….”, retorted the wrathful king….
“See how it peeps from behind the clouds
You will never know;
Shallowed by your pride
You will never know……
How he has warmed and brightened me up;
Yesterday he whispered in my ear,
That he loved my tiny frame.
He lifted me from the abyss
And helped me bloom like this……
His rays touch my heart
Everyday, so lovingly
And when he sets beyond the horizon
I feel a bit lonely…….
But when i close my eyes
And the night falls
He comes in my dreams
And all darkness he stalls
He leads me into the daylight
And i truly believe in his might……
See, he still winks at me
Beyond yonder clouds
I would like to believe, dear sunflower
That he reaches out to me…..”
Life has strange ways, of staring at you right in your face. Just when you’ve begun to build your castle and festoon it with flowers and shells, there comes a strong wind that ravages it all away. And it’s only you who hears it crumpling…….because castles built on sand do not make any noise when they are walked over………
So it becomes all the more important to move on, so the castle is out of sight. But there is sand everywhere…..and you need to be careful lest you be tempted to stop and stare.
There are numerous waves in the sea……that roar and beckon you forth…..mocking at you for your inactivity. Yet you stand still, unhappy, wanting to take a plunge……….
But you are in love with the little castles you have made on the way.
Castles built on sand .
Sometimes, it is easy to breathe, fly and feel accepted. These are days when being alone doesn’t matter. Today, of all days, I feel free, liberated from some shackles, I do not know which ones. I keep disturbing thoughts away, do not feel at all intimidated by the world as it whizzes past me at its moronic pace. Today is different.
No, today I do not wait for any acknowlwdgement. I gracefully transcend my boundaries, I expand in ways I cannot explain.
Today I am just me. No one else.
“Its been many sunsets
Its been many dawns
Eternities stretched and
A vision you transpired
A thought that inspired
Many dreams that lay
You treasured it all
And whilst you tread
You rise and fall…
And overcome each dread….
And when you ask the sky
You want to know the reasons why…….
So many dreams went astray
While silence is all that comes your way……
Every dawn a promise holds
Every sunset a secret unfolds
Clutching yourself tightly in a warm embrace……
You aver that its time to face……
To gather all the broken dreams……
To venture into the wildest realms…..
To harness every wild desire
To set every rising wave to fire…….”
Right now slumber clouds my thoughts,
Rest I would, only sleep deludes;
The shroud refuses to bulge
I cannot feign it here……
I wish i was ignorant-
Of so many things,
And would know……..
How to move on.
I wish…… I could ;
Put myself ahead,
And keep ticking…..
With an even tread.
It isn’t that I cannot combat
The darkness that engulfs……
I can threaten the skies
And bid waterfalls cease;
But just this one time
When slumber deceives
I let down every guard…….
And I wish to let you know
You have mothered me
And fed me love
Unconditional and Unfathomable…….
Desires……there aren’t any more…..
Is it this?
The way the world goes…..
So little of what we need!